i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
