I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
