who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
