"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
