I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize