Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
