He uses pillows to masturbate.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
