I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
did i just pee glitter
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
