A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
