Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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