Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
