I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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