Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
