I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
