Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
