look no pants
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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