My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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