I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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