she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
