the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
