that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
