I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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