new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
