If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
