i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
