I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
