Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
