i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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