and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
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