bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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