just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
