if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
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Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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