all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize