Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
