walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
