i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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