Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
