he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
