Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize