and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
