He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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