Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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