shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The beer is more important than you right now.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
