the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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