been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
