hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
