I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
