I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
