People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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