I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
