just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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