Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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