Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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