I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
