I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
