I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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