We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
