my mouth tastes like poor choices
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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