it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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