She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
