I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize