Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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