She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
