why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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