Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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