she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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