Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
