Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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