God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
