I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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