I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
