We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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