I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
