Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
