Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Randomize