So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just invented taco cereal.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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