I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My vagina is very pro this idea
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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