her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
