When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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