i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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