That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You are a genius and a whore.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
