I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
