Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
