I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
