If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize