that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
