Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
