uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
