I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize