Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
