I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
