i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
