I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
