If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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