You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
