i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the condom got lost in my hair
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
