Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize