i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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