She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
