Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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