So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
