saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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