and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
