I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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