Non-Jews are for practice
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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